The Secret Life of Dr. Bakersfield

Hey Guys.

I'm back.

First of all, glad you're actually reading this.

And second, I promise to be more consistent with updating this blog. This is mostly a promise to myself, so here's to not letting myself down.

Anyway, I recently published an ebook on Smashwords.com. It's called The Secret Life of Dr. Bakersfield. I'm proud of it and you should definitely check it out at http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/127026. And if you buy a copy I will be super happy and you'll feel happy because you made someone else happy. Then we can PAY IT FORWARD.

If you're still skeptical, here's a little sample of the story:

After our handshake, he started moving around me, inspecting me up and down, side to side, all without a word. After he tussled my hair around a bit and peered in my left ear for an unusually long time, he stood back in front me.

“You’ll do.”

“Um, what?” I responded, confused at the most recent events.

“You know, don’t worry about it. You’ll be happier that way. What kind of stuff are you into?” He said as he lay back down on his bed.

I sat back on my bed in response. “Well, pretty normal stuff. Football, basketball, fishing, and I used to be into pranks but I guess that’s got to stop here.”

“Pranks! Stop? No way, you just arrived at prank city.” He screamed as a he launched himself into the air. He then moved closer to me. “You know, I’ve been looking for a partner for a long time….”

I tried to steer clear of his wild body movements. “No way I can do pranks here,” I responded. “That’s WHY I’m here. No way I’m getting into that kind of trouble again.”

“James, James, James. I’m not going to force you into it. But sooner or later, in THIS place, you’ll be forced to do them. They will be conscientious acts of nonviolence that you will be obligated to partake in. TRUST ME.”

And at that word Jon raced out the door. I could hear crowing growing fainter in the hallway as I stood there flabbergasted and alone.

The first day of class ended up being a memorable experience without even trying to misbehave. Although I had been trying to learn the rules since my arrival, I had apparently forgotten some of the finer details, such as remembering to always address the teachers as sir or madam. I seemed to forget this many, many times, which resulted in me writing sir and madam one hundred times each on the blackboard after Ms. Jenkins English class. I mean Madam Jenkins, of course. When I told Jon about this later before Geography, he just scoffed at me.

“That’s nothing, James. If I could do that in every class, I’d consider it a good day. No, there is much worse out there.”

“Like what?” I responded.

“Like the time they made poor Jeffrey Adams clean every toilet in the school…with his tongue!”

“Bull. Shit.”

“Yeah? Well, have you heard about Dr. Bakersfield yet?”

“Sounds familiar.”

“He’s the dean, and he’s the worst of them all. I hear that all the other teachers use mean punishments just because they’re scared of him. Here’s my advice: Steer clear of him at ALL costs.”

“Oh, he can’t be that bad.” I said, but I didn’t mean it. I had just remembered where I’d heard the name. It was from all the horror stories I had heard about Coopersmith, and I was starting to tremble at the thought of ever meeting the man.

Suddenly, the class started and the teacher’s eyes beckoned us to pay attention, lest we desired retribution.

“Steer clear,” Jon whispered out of the side of his mouth as he turned towards the front.

Well there it is. Hope you enjoyed it.

Now here's a song.